| "> | | | | white. |
| He's popped the question. You've chosen a date. And | | | | Your fiancé probably doesn't have the first clue in |
| now, you're swimming in a sea of euphoria with no | | | | what goes into a wedding. |
| horizons. Good thing, too, because there are literally a | | | | Get your wedding planner, write it all down, and show |
| thousand things to arrange before the big day. | | | | him. Once he gets over the shock, you'll both probably |
| You do the research, buckle under and dive in. But you | | | | be able to identify areas that interest him. Make lists of |
| find your fiancé's ardor for the event itself seems to | | | | the things you've each agreed to do, and cross them |
| have cooled. It's not that he isn't mad about marrying | | | | off as they get done. At the very least, he'll be far |
| you; after all, he is a great guy, even if he can't tell a | | | | more supportive when he sees what you're going |
| Vera Wang from a Gunny Sack. It's that his | | | | through. |
| preparation style is hands-off, to say the least. And | | | | 6) Weave his family heritage/ethnicity raditions into the |
| planning a wedding isn't a job built for one. | | | | ceremony. |
| So what to do? Here are ten ways to involve him | | | | What did his parents do? He might be surprised at the |
| without increasing both of your stress loads: | | | | question, but it could lead somewhere valuable. He |
| 1) Delegate areas that have a prayer of interesting him. | | | | might ask his parents about their wedding, and find |
| The worst thing you can do is expect him to match | | | | your wedding consequently enriched. Look through |
| your ten to twenty years of feminine wisdom on the | | | | their wedding album together. Are his ancestors |
| relative merits of buttercream vs. fondant. | | | | German, Polish, Italian, Croatian, Asian? Incorporate |
| Here are some probable no areas when roping in a | | | | some old-world traditions into your ceremony. |
| reluctant wedding planner: | | | | 7) Don't bring him in too early. |
| - Selecting the cake frosting | | | | Treat your fiancé as a bit of a pinch hitter. Sure, you |
| - Choosing the favors or favor packaging | | | | may be fully aware that you can shave 5K off your |
| - Selecting the wedding colors or floral arrangements | | | | costs by starting your favor crafts and reservations 18 |
| Then there are the potential maybes, fraught with | | | | months ahead of time. But if he's like most guys, the |
| fewer hazards: | | | | wedding won't become real to him until it draws closer. |
| - Choosing the photographer | | | | Expect him to jump in about six months before the |
| - Choosing the videographer | | | | actual ceremony, and break into a (relative) frenzy of |
| - Arranging the rehearsal dinner | | | | activity about one month in advance. |
| - Arranging the all-inclusive honeymoon | | | | 8) Talk about something besides the wedding. |
| - Renting big, tricky items like outdoor tents | | | | Guys aren't the only ones who complain about |
| These are probable yeses, well worth running by your | | | | brides-to-be talking of nothing but upcoming nuptials. |
| guy: | | | | Sometimes, even girlfriends get overwhelmed by all |
| - Selecting the DJ or the band | | | | the wedding chatter. |
| - Setting up and maintaining your wedding website | | | | Spend some time alone chatting about anything but the |
| - Researching and selecting charities, if you choose to | | | | wedding. See a silly movie, split a hot fudge sundae, or |
| donate instead of giving out favors | | | | watch a basketball game. Do something spontaneous |
| - Setting up the carriage, limo or other transportation | | | | that reminds you both of why you decided to marry in |
| arrangements | | | | the first place. |
| 2) If you ask him to help you choose vendors and | | | | 9) Check your subtext for hidden meanings. |
| styles, narrow down the choices first. | | | | Tempting as it might be, make sure you're not using |
| It's a jungle of options out there, enough to give the | | | | your fiancé as a coin-toss tool (ever noticed how |
| most natural-born party planner pause. So if you want | | | | people flip coins to find out what they really want?). |
| his opinion on photographers, invites, flowers or cakes, | | | | When you ask for his opinion, take it seriously. And |
| narrow down the options to three or four. He's less | | | | when you give him ownership of a task, don't |
| likely to feel overwhelmed, and more likely to feel like | | | | second-guess every step. |
| an important part of the process. | | | | Imagine that your fiancé has told you he's going to |
| At times, it'll feel so good to share the load that you'll | | | | draft a dream team in his fantasy football league, and |
| be tempted to drag him into the buttercream debate | | | | it's going to cost him $20K to participate. Now imagine |
| despite your better instincts. At these times, take a | | | | that he's told you your help is supremely important to |
| deep breath, count to ten, and call your mother or your | | | | him. |
| maid of honor. | | | | You'd be a little hesitant to give opinions, right? Some |
| 3) Ask him directly for help. Let him know how | | | | of your ideas might sound feeble, even to your own |
| important his input is to you, and that you can't do it | | | | ears. Hopefully he'd welcome your thoughts, however |
| without him. | | | | odd it felt for you to venture them. Now imagine your |
| Guys like to be needed. Your frank request for help | | | | fiancé feels kind of like that when it comes to the |
| may be enough to pull him out of his comfort zone and | | | | wedding. |
| onto your team. | | | | 10) Remember that men become wedding experts by |
| 4) Try the Art Director/Production Staff approach. | | | | having one. |
| If you think your guy wants to help, but feels | | | | Chances are, your sweetheart will open his eyes to |
| uncomfortable playing "art director," give him | | | | the wonder of a wedding by the time the rose petals |
| "production staff" tasks. Have him make the payments, | | | | are tossed. Forever after, he'll be examining friend's |
| pick up the food or decor, handle the rentals, do online | | | | receptions with a practiced eye, and anticipating the |
| comparison shopping, or reserve the hotels and | | | | next excuse for a Really Big Shindig. |
| reception halls. These are all jobs that will take a load | | | | So keep him around, and count on throwing a first-rate |
| off your shoulders, while freeing up time for the | | | | anniversary celebration ten years down the road. In a |
| aesthetic stuff you probably enjoy and he doesn't. | | | | way, that'll be the party that really matters, won't it? |
| 5) Get a calendar and put all the planning in black and | | | | |