| The first thing to do when you plan your wedding is to | | | | your wedding planning. |
| figure out what it is about a wedding that matters to | | | | If the first thing that pops into your head as a response |
| you. What's really important? | | | | is, "Oh, no, I can't elope. I've always pictured myself in |
| Don't think that there is only one right answer to the | | | | the white dress with the veil and gloves, holding |
| question of what's important. | | | | flowers," then you know that achieving those elements |
| If I believed that it's wrong to have an overly lavish | | | | in your wedding is important to you. |
| wedding or a Halloween-themed wedding or any other | | | | If your response is, "I can't elope. I really want to have |
| particular kind of wedding, then I'd recommend that you | | | | everyone I know in attendance," then you'll know that |
| listen to every word your wedding vendors (and other | | | | you should spend money on your guest list (in terms of |
| wedding "controllers") say. | | | | affording food and space for all your guests) as you |
| I'd praise them when they feel compelled to point out | | | | plan your wedding. |
| to you that YOU are not a wedding professional. | | | | On the other hand, if your response is, "I can't elope. |
| THEY are wedding professionals. THEY plan | | | | My mother would kill me" then maybe you should let |
| weddings all the time. What can YOU possibly know | | | | your mother plan your wedding. Did that suggestion |
| about planning a wedding?! | | | | just give you the chills? Even if it didn't, you should |
| But I don't believe that. I believe that you know | | | | really try to get an image of what you want from your |
| something critical, that no wedding vendor on Earth | | | | wedding, or don't bother having one. |
| can know better than you. | | | | Think about the courthouse thing again. Really get the |
| You know YOUR dreams. | | | | image in your head. Today you're engaged. Tomorrow |
| You know what YOU want, whether it's a very typical | | | | you and your man go to the courthouse and come out |
| thing to want from a wedding or a very unusual thing | | | | married. You're married forever. That's the end. |
| to want doesn't matter to me at all. What I care about | | | | How do you feel about that? What doesn't feel right |
| is that you come to the end of your wedding and think, | | | | to you? What elements of that image make you feel |
| "I made my dreams a reality," not "I sure am glad I | | | | disappointed? Are you saying, "But I won't have any |
| didn't make my vendors do anything unusual!" | | | | wedding photos to show my children" or what? |
| I don't care if what you want is average. Average is | | | | Identify those elements of a wedding that it would |
| fine with me. Not average is fine with me. I care that | | | | really break your heart to live without. |
| you want it. No matter what "it" is (as long it's not | | | | 1. Ask yourself: "Why do I need a wedding in addition |
| harmful to yourself or others, of course). | | | | to a marriage?" |
| By "Figure out what matters," I don't mean, "Forget | | | | 2. "If I couldn't have a wedding, what would I miss |
| about all those fanciful details that you should be | | | | most?" |
| mature enough to know aren't important." Not at all. | | | | 3. "What does that suggest is most important to me in |
| If what matters to you is having swan-shaped ice | | | | my wedding?" |
| sculptures twice the size of the ones your sister-in-law | | | | 4. "What area of my wedding does that suggest I |
| had, more power to you. There's nothing wrong with | | | | should spend the most money/effort on?" |
| what's important to you about your wedding. | | | | Copy that list a few times and post it in strategic |
| It's just that you need to know what it is. Then you | | | | places around your home. By your phone and taped to |
| need to convey that to others. | | | | your fiancé's head are a couple particularly |
| The process to getting the wedding of your dreams is | | | | good posting spots because those are likely things for |
| as follows: | | | | you to be looking at when the wedding frustration rises |
| 1. Know what's important to you in your wedding. | | | | too high, and you have to remind yourself why you |
| 2. Make it easy for others to know/remember what's | | | | started this extravaganza in the first place. |
| important to you in your wedding. | | | | Just as an aside, if thinking about the courthouse |
| 3. Watch others like a hawk to ensure that they | | | | wedding raises no negative feelings in you |
| create what's important to you in your wedding. | | | | whatsoever, maybe you should consider it. There's |
| EXERCISE | | | | nothing wrong with getting married the cheap and |
| Ask yourself why you are having a wedding at all. | | | | easy way. You can always throw a party or an |
| Why not go down to the courthouse and get married | | | | anniversary "wedding" celebration some time in the |
| in front of a judge tomorrow afternoon (or as soon as | | | | future when your circumstances warrant it and your |
| you can get a license)? | | | | heart desires it. |
| Think about that question carefully. Your answer to this | | | | This is your wedding. Now that you know what you |
| question reveals a lot about what's important to you in | | | | want, you can go out and get it. |