Planning a Wedding? Don't Forget the Officiant!

My husband and I have been pastors for over sixteenactive member of a spiritual community, so you may
years, serving in Protestant congregations and asnot have a priest or pastor or rabbi or other religious
campus ministers at a large university. During that timecleric standing by to do the wedding. And that's fine -
we've presided over a lot of weddings - probablybeing part of a faith community isn't everyone's cup of
close to a hundred between the two of us. And onetea, we each have our own spiritual path and way of
of the things we've discovered is that unless a couplejourneying on it. But if you are in the process of
is an active member of a church or already friendlyplanning a wedding, and don't have a pastor or other
with a minister or judge, one of the last things couplescleric you know who could do the ceremony, consider
tend to think about as they do their wedding planning isadding "Find an Officiant" to the top of your wedding
who will do the ceremony.to do list.
Most couples work hard to find the perfect dressesThe Officiant can be any ordained minister who is
for the bride and bridesmaids, and the appropriatelicensed by your state to do weddings. Or it can be a
tuxes for the groom and ushers. They ask nieces andjudge or justice of the peace. If you are on a cruise,
nephews to be flower girls and ring bearers, and bookthe Captain of the ship can marry you! Some folks
space for the wedding and reception months inask their friends to get ordained online, and then they
advance, in addition to arranging for catered food, thehave them do the ceremony - and that's fine, just
cake, beautiful flowers, and a professionalmake sure your state recognizes the ordination as
photographer. They order the perfect invitations to belegal. Whatever the case, just make sure you find
sent the appropriate weeks in advance of the big day,someone who is licensed by your state to officiate. (If
select rings, and book the piano player, organist, stringyou don't have a relationship with the Officiant before
quartet, and soloist. But one of the last things manythe wedding, you can expect to pay anywhere from
couples plan for is who will officiate at their wedding. In$50 to $300 for your Officiant, depending on: how
fact, for many, it's not even on the "to do" list until themuch, if any, pre-maritial counseling is involved; how
last minute.much planning of the actual ceremony is involved;
I can't even begin to count how many times someonetravel considerations; and whether or not there is a
has called our office asking if we do weddings forrehearsal to attend the night before the wedding. You
non-members of our congregation. We do, under thecan ask how much is charged before your first
right circumstances, and tell them so. Then they tell usmeeting together - most will let you know their fee up
that they are getting married in a week. Or two days.front.)
Or tomorrow. And they wonder if we will do theirThe bottom line is this - it's your special day, you've put
wedding. I'm not kidding. They made all of their otherhours of thought and planning and work into making it
wedding plans well in advance, the flowers are due tospecial. Just remember, when you are choosing
arrive on time and the cake is just about to go into thebetween prime rib and salmon, and deciding between
oven, but they forgot to arrange for who wouldlive music or a DJ, and trying to figure out whether to
preside over the spiritual ceremony itself, not tohave an open bar or cash bar, somewhere in the mix
mention sign the wedding license and make the wholemake sure you include finding someone to actually
thing legal. And unfortunately, in most cases, we can'tpreside over the wedding. Because the simple fact is
just drop everything and preside over their wedding onthis - if you don't have an Officiant, there can't be a
such short notice.wedding!
Now I certainly understand that not everyone is an